I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
