you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
