We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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