He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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