I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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