I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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