i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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