Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
