Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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