My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
