So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
