he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
