I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
