Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
