Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
