and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
