I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
