i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
