Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
