I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so let's talk penis.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
