im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
