He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
