is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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