yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
