Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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