how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
