lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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