all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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