Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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