Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
