Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
