I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
