the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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