i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
