i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
