I'm going to jail i love you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
