he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
