Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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