u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
