Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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