oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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