I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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