how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
