Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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