things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
