look no pants
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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