11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
