Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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