i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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