Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
