CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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