You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
