I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
