I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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