just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
