i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
