My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
