he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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