problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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