so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
