Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
