I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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