so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
