I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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