fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
