You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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