just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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