Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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