I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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