Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
