margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Houston, we have a blender
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
