Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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