new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You are the jesus of drinking
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
