Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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