I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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