I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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