It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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